Topic: >>> -PROOFREADER application- <<< (Read 191 times)

l0ver4in · « **on:** May 08, 2011, 05:55:29 AM »

Name/Nickname: Chris
Country Of Origin & Time Zone: Singapore, SST
Gender: Female
Age: 11
Enter Msn or Yahoo messenger: digitour@hotmail.co.uk
What Field You Would Like To Be Positioned In: Proofreader
Why You Want This Position: I need some practice and I like reading manga.
Your Time Available: Fridays and Saturdays in the afternoons and evenings.
Experience: None, unless writing 400-word essays count.

Here's my application test:

(click to show/hide)

Yep.

aftershocked · « **Reply #1 on:** May 18, 2011, 12:15:21 PM »

Sorry for the horribly lengthy wait. And unfortunately, you have the misfortune of getting a critique from me, who's really rusty at PR apps. *cracks knuckles*

p.118
Niko: There isn't a cage that exists in Polaris!
Something like there's no cage is really slangy; while you don't want to be unnecessarily formal, it still needs to be proper English. Then existing needs to be changed to agree with there isn't.

text: In fact, the story of Polaris is that of
Be careful when adding that and don't go overboard, but in this case I think it's needed for clarification.

"the prince and the princess of Ursa Minor accepting their arranged
Whose arranged marriage? The prince and princess', so theirs.

marriage, and living happily ever after.
Bit of a lengthy statement, so add a comma to break it up a little.

text: Yes, what intervened in the/this story was my "imagination."
Using this instead of the is optional (though I think this sounds better), but mainly an in is needed if you're going to use the keep the word intervene, since it's being used as a verb here.

text: However, it’s you that is also being deceptive.
Again, for clarity.

text: Aah, why is this/that child looking at me with those eyes?
That is optional though again I think it sounds better, but more importantly, omit straight, it's unnecessary.

As for this world, everything is about facts based on evidence.
Since this isn't legalese or newspeak, using a singular fact makes the sentence sound awkward (even moreso than it already is. These scripts are awful, I swear xD), so just add a plural.

This would also be true for people who are content with being locked in a cage.
He's not speaking in the past tense, so the ed in contented is incorrect.

Niko: Niko doesn't understand such complicated stuff. / Though, I do understand one thing!
"[...]stuff, though... I understand one thing" is an awkward way of speaking. I suggest ending the first sentence at stuff, moving the though, and adding do to make the rest of the sentence agree with the changes.

And that's everything! Whew. Again, I'm rusty at this, but in my opinion your biggest errors were being a bit too informal. I'm going to go ahead and give you the second test; while, again, being overly stiff and formal is best avoided, you still want the dialogue to grammatically correct. Good luck with the second test ~~if you're even still interested~~:

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Author Topic: >>> -PROOFREADER application- <<< (Read 191 times)

l0ver4in

>>> -PROOFREADER application- <<<

aftershocked

Re: >>> -PROOFREADER application- <<<

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